Sincerely, The Great Lake States

Based on my experiences with the region, I have to imagine that all of the states that border the Great Lakes came together one sunny afternoon in order to draft the following letter to all passer-bys and visiting motorists.

 

Dear Tourists:

We, The Great Lake States, would like to sincerely welcome you to our juicy slice of American Dream pie. However, you, by definition, ain’t frum round here, so we feel obligated to warn you of the adversity you will face in the next thousand miles.

As you are an outsider traveling our roads, it is our god given right to tax your filthy foreign car into oblivion. First off, you will be required to pay obnoxiously small and insignificant sums of loose change to our unmanned collection machines. You will have to do so every time you exit or enter our ironically named ‘freeways’. If you don’t have exactly sixty-seven cents on you, well, you can suck it. You will face larger tolls, to be paid to our overly qualified collecting agents, every time you change lanes, stop at a red light, or think of the word ‘highway’. This is how we will fix our very pot-holed roads that you obviously screwed up. As an added bonus, we will charge you a minimum of $50 dollars a night if you park anywhere within city limits or on any type of pavement and some types of gravel.

Thank you for your patronage and your understanding. We appreciate your visiting, but would prefer that you walk here next time.

 

Sincerely,

Every state bordering The Great Lakes.

 

 

Despite all adversity, we pressed on in great anticipation of experiencing our first real city since Seattle. A million thanks to Katie’s parents for helping us with the hotel. It was amazing to sleep on a real bed again. Once we actually got to the hotel we found Chicago to be pretty enjoyable. We saw the giant shiny bean and Millennium Park. We had a delicious hot dog at a bar that was, with out a doubt, actually a front for the Russian mob. We enjoyed making fun of how painfully over dressed every single person is in the entire city.

Our last night in Chicago was great. We found an Irish pub that reminded us of our favorite place from back home and we kicked butt at their trivia night. The two following bonus questions earned us free drinks. (can you answer them?)

 

  1. Name this film:  “You are a sad, strange little man and you have my pity.”
  2. What was the name of the volcano that buried the city of Pompeii in 79 AD?

 

Katie got the first one before the bartender could even finish reading it and I got the second one; a perfect team, indeed. We now sit comfortably in Pennsylvania, our last stop before Boston. Updates on the last leg of the trip will be up soon.

 

Cheers.

Matt

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4 Comments

  1. hahahhah! Stupid back east tolls. What the hell is all that about? They are so into their stupid bridges. Geesh. Sounds like you two had a great trip. I’m gonna try to get caught upon yer blogs! As soon as you can buy five umbrellas. You will need them. And for god’s sake, get a job.

    Love to you both! Annameekee

    Reply
    • Ugh.. the finding a job thing isn’t as easy in the big city as I was hoping. This small town bumpkin needs to learn some new tricks. Much love.

      Reply
  2. What was the answer to the second question? I know about the volcano, but the name escapes me right now.

    Reply

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