Worst case scenario insomniac

Eerie are the tendencies of a sleepless mind. I cannot focus beyond the length of my eyelashes but somehow I understand the placement of everything in my apartment. Every shadow tells a story about what I did earlier today. I seem regretfully decisive about my inability to sleep. Like, yeah, not going to happen tonight, so why bother. I roll over for the umpteenth time. Different shadows and more stories. Today was boring and routine. The predictability of today makes me crave chaos. I so often imagine tragedy while I lie pretending to sleep. I have imagined home invaders, meteors and earthquakes; flash floods, tornadoes and zombies; lightning strikes, volcano eruptions and structure fires. Played them all out in my mind. He would enter quietly unsure of the shadows I’ve studied every night for weeks. I would catch him off guard but never fast enough. They always get a shot off, I’m always injured but only enough to add to my heroism and my escape. I never die in these scenarios. But I’m always maimed, or forced to leave someone behind, hurt deeply so as to suffer but not perish. I jump out windows and hide in door frames, crawl into closets and turn household objects into weapons or tools. I stand in the street and stare at my possessions being destroyed along with the building. I never gasp or cry. I’m always ready somehow as if my inability to sleep has been preparing me for disaster. I’m almost expecting. Jumping before the lightning hits. Passing through a solid door frame the second the earthquake starts, already wearing my boots. This morning I woke up with a hammer in my hand. I don’t even know where I keep my toolbox.

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